All You Zombies

I think Wal-Mart combines a brain paralyzing chemical agent with the air supply in their stores, thus rendering all shoppers clinically stupid. All shoppers but me, of course.

Like a Virgin

This is my first post on the fancy Blogger interwebs. As I have absolutely nothing to say, I will drop a little famous first trivia about women on you, starting with the year I was born. Yes, I'm old. You shut your mouth when you're talking to me. __________________________________________________

1969 - Shirley Chisholm --- 1st African-American woman in Congress (D-NY). Her motto is, "Unbought and unbossed." She served in the U.S. House of Representatives for New York for 14 years.
* Unbought and unbossed...excellent. Certainly this phrase brought about the 1st time someone said, "You go, girl!"

1971 - Fran Phillips --- 1st woman to set foot on the North Pole, on April 5th.
* That was one cold beeyotch.

1975 - Ella Grasso --- 1st woman to become a Governor of a state (Connecticut) without a husband preceding her in the governor's chair
* I remember her from when I grew up in Connecticut. There was even a joke about her. "What do you get when you cross Ella Grasso with Darth Vader? Ella-Vader." Tee hee.

1977 - Janet Guthrie --- 1st woman to qualify and race at the Indianapolis 500.
* That was one fast beeyotch.

1979 - Diana Nyad --- 1st person to swim from the Bahamas to Florida.
* That was one tired beeyotch.

1984 - Geraldine Ferraro --- 1st woman to run for vice-president on a major party ticket (D-Texas).
* Oh, Geraldine, if only your legacy stopped there...

1987 - Aretha Franklin --- 1st female artist inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
* I don't have a witty comment, but good gravy on mashed potatoes do I love me some Aretha.

1992 - Aileen Wuornos --- 1st female serial killer in America.
* I think Charlize Theron should play me in the movie version of my life. The poster will show her face sans eyebrows superimposed over a peach. That's box office gold, baby.

1996 - Dolly, the lamb --- 1st cloned mammal.
* That was one woolly beeyotch.

1998 - Elizabeth Ann Oliver --- 1st woman to have her baby's birth broadcast live over the Internet.
* Ew.

2000 - Hilary Rodham Clinton --- elected to the US. Senate, becoming the 1st First Lady ever elected to national office.
* I'm not necessarily a fan, but she's looking more respectable and less frakking looney tunes by comparison lately.

2002 - Halle Berry --- 1st African American woman to win an Oscar for Best Actress.
* Anyone who had to pretend to bang Billy Bob Thornton deserves an Oscar. Yikes.

2006 - Anousheh Ansari --- 1st female "space tourist," on September 18, 2006, she paid $20 million to ride on the Russian Soyuz TMA-9 capsule.
* That is one throwing perfectly good money out the window beeyotch.

2007 -Drew Gilpin Faust --- 1st first woman president in Harvard University ’s 371-year history.
* It's about GD time, Harvard. Welcome to the post-Paleolithic era, you bastards.


And thus concludes my first official blog. More foolishness to come.

* Trivia taken from