Top Fifty - I Wanna Be Your Lover

Mere words cannot describe how much I love Prince Rogers Nelson. I have adored that little purple bastard since the late 70s. I saw him in concert in the 80s and I just about had a coronary embolism when he drove out on stage in the flyest purple pimp mobile you have ever seen. He is a 4 foot nothing musical giant who can fill an entire arena with just his presence and assless chaps. I've never found him terribly attractive but I can definitely see the appeal. I've always said that I don't want to fuck him but I'd love to watch him fuck someone else.

It was very difficult to choose one song per artist for my Top Fifty. However, "I Wanna Be Your Lover" is absolutely my favorite Prince track, hands down. Sure I love at least two hundred Prince songs, but this is the one I immediately start dancing to every time I hear the beginning notes. If you can listen to this and not move at least one part of your body, you have no soul, man.

For all the respect I have for him, I do understand that Prince is a polarizing figure. He sometimes makes it easy to forget about his music when he's pulling stunts like writing the word "slave" on his face or changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol. As a testament of my love for Prince, I briefly changed my name to a symbol back in the 90s:

As an extra bonus, please enjoy Charlie Murphy's story about playing basketball with Prince (as played by Dave Chappelle). "Game - blouses."

Top Fifty - Brass in Pocket

Apparently Chrissie Hynde doesn't like this song, but goddamnit I do.

According to the always reliable Wikipedia, "Brass in Pocket" by The Pretenders was the seventh video played during MTV's launch on August 1, 1981. God help me, I remember watching the same fucking 20 videos over and over again during the early months of MTV. I would rather slit my own throat with a rusty box cutter than watch Pat Benatar in that damned black and white striped shirt ever again, but somehow I never got sick of watching Chrissie pretend to be the world's worst waitress. I won't even mention watching her pretend to be the world's worst femme.

My 12 year old mind never quite figured out what the hell Detroit leaning, side step or the new skank was, but I didn't care. It sounded cool and grown up and ballsy, all the things I was not at that awkward age. Thirty years later I'm still not 100% on what they are, but at least I am now the coolest mother funker on the planet and can pretend I know what they mean.

Just for kicks, here is the glorious Scarlett Johannson singing the song in a scene from "Lost in Translation".

Chrissie rocks me sideways.