We Don't Need No Education

Allow me to tell you, my adoring throng of readers, a bit about myself and why I’ve been conspicuously absent as of late.

Despite my distinct Southern charm, I was actually born and raised in Connecticut. I went to college for a good 17 minutes after high school. I won’t bore you with the Jerry Springer-esque drama behind the scenes. I’ll save that for another post.

Anyhoo, I went about the business of living my life and moving around the country for a few years. I had various jobs waitressing and bartending and working in retail, which suited me for a while. Then I turned 30 and had the most horrific bout of self-loathing you have ever seen in your life. It was then that I dedided I needed to go back to school.

At that time, I was living in my present tiny south Georgia town. The only school around here was a local technical college. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, so I entered into the Computer Information Systems program. As I was earning my associate's degree, an administrative assistant position came open at the school. One of my teachers recommended me and I was hired.

I had never in my life had a "real" job that was Monday - Friday, no weekends, holidays off. I thought I had gone to heaven. After a few years, my boss left and his position came available. I was not qualified on paper for the position since I didn't have a bachelor's degree. However, I was perfectly capable of performing the duties. They rewrote the position to suit my education and I've been doing it for the past 2 1/2 years.

I love my job but I want the title of director and the money that goes with it, so here I am, at the tender age of 40, going back to school once more for my bachelor's in management. I am currently taking 4 online classes, along with working full-time and handling home life with a 5 year old and college football watching husband.



I am one busy mofo.

I am pleased with my decision to go back to school because I'll be the first one in my family to finish college and I can use this opportunity to show my daughter that you can always better yourself, no matter what stage you are in life. (I know, *barf*, right?) However, it leaves me with less time to play on the interwebz with you lovely people.

On the upside, whilst I was getting my learn on, I had my very first rude commenter on my last post about the Def Leppard concert. I am so proud. You ain't someone until someone hates you on the internet.

What has 9 arms and sucks?

Thanks to Stuart for the hilariously inappropriate joke referenced in the title. The answer, of course, is Def Leppard. Tee hee. We'll get to their suckage in a bit. Let's begin the journey to the spectacularness that was this past Saturday evening, shall we?

Ten of us made the long hard road trip from East Bum Fuck south Georgia to Hotlanta for the concert to end all concerts - Cheap Trick, Poison and Def Leppard.

I've always liked Cheap Trick. Honestly, I couldn't believe that they were not only touring with the other two bands, but were put in the bitch seat to be the freaking opening act. Hell, "Surrender" was an anthem when I was growing up. I think they deserve better than that, but I guess we all have to pay the bills.

I'm not the biggest fan of Poison, but I'd seen them once before and they put on a pretty good show. My friend Tara is absolutely obsessed with Bret Michaels. I've watched all 27 seasons of Rock of Love for her. She is determined that he needs to stop diddling skanks and get with a fat girl. I totally agree. Who else can bang the shit out of you and then make you a plate of good down home cooking? Not a coked out stripper, that's for damned sure. But I digress...

As a woman of a certain age (that would be 40 for those paying attention), I am definitely a product of the 80s. Thusly, I am not ashamed to admit my love for the Lef Deppards. I remember having a jean jacket with a Def Leppard pin on one lapel and a Run DMC pin on the other. (Sidebar: I bought a Run DMC shirt this weekend. I am fucking awesome.) I was totally excited to see them and relive part of my wayward youth.

We got to the Lakewood Amphitheater in Atlanta a little after 7 as Cheap Trick was coming on stage. We heard the first couple of songs as we stood in line to get in. I sang "I Want You to Want Me" at the top of my lungs in the parking lot, embarrassing everyone around me. We finally got in and set up camp on the lawn. Here are Jeff, Tara, me, my husband John, and Kelly.



We got to enjoy the rest of Cheap Trick, despite a drunken redneckian brawl a few feet away from us. Thankfully the melee was cleared in time for me to belt out the craptastic hair ballad "The Flame". That is such a horrible song, but so much fun to sing.



After Cheap Trick's set ended, we sent the menfolk on a beer run. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I understand that the prices are jacked up at events like this, but I still don't see any reason to charge 10 bucks for some flat ass nasty beer. Fuck me.



By this time, the sun had set and it was time for Poison. As I mentioned, I had seen them maybe 10 years ago at a place called Wild Adventures, which is a semi-cheesy amusement park/zoo in Valdosta, GA. This was during the period after their popularity faded but before Rock of Love, so they were in some sort of career limbo. However, those cats put on one hell of a show. They certainly didn't have to, but I respected their commitment to the crowd. You'd have thought they were playing Madison Square Garden, for chrissakes.

I am pleased to report that they still put on one hell of a show. They were balls to the wall and didn't pause for one minute. Bret was all over the stage, talking to the audience and doing everything he could to keep us on our feet. Musically, there are some of their songs I can do without. I mean, Unskinny Bop? I still don't know what the felch that is about. Does an unskinny bop = a fat fuck? Maybe Tara is right and Bret really does need a fat girl. Either way, I very much enjoyed Poison.



I was completely psyched for Def Leppard and screamed like a school girl when they first came on stage. They started out very high energy but started slipping after a couple of songs. The guys in the band were good but my beloved Joe Elliot's voice is shot to shit. It felt like he was barely singing so he could save up for the one big power note in every song. He barely interacted with the crowd, which sucks ass. I was a bit disappointed but still had a good time because I was able to rock my fat old ass off to songs from back in the day.



I definitely had a blast with my wonderfully crazy friends. A good time was had by all.

The girls:



The boys: (Yes, that is my white bread middle aged husband throwing up the gang signs in front. God, I love that bastard.)



And as promised, here I am flashing a little boob. You didn't think I'd actually show you full frontal, did you? :)

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for the following:

~ I'm on vacation! Woo hoo! Okay, it's not like a glamorous "blaze a trail and see the world" vacation, but it's time off from work nonetheless. More of a staycation. I generally hate that type of cutesy saying, but it fits the situation. Suck it.

~I'm going to Hotlanta with a rag tag bunch of friends to see Def Leppard, Poison and Cheap Trick on Saturday. Or as I've been calling it, "The Old Geezers Play for the MILF Crowd" tour. I fully intend to whip out my cans at Joe Elliot at some point in the evening. Holla!

~ The precious fruit of my loins started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago. I've been a slobbering, emotional, motherly mess, but she is rocking the shit out of her big girl scholastics. My little sugarfoot is growing up and I am so proud of her. *sob*

Enjoy your day, suckas!

Wordless Wednesday

Fish are Jumpin' and the Cotton is High

It is hot as balls. Big, swinging, hairy, sweaty, fromunda cheese, Dom DeLuise balls.

Here is a summertime in south Georgia haiku to express my feelings:

Damn, I am sweating
Like a whore on nickel night
During a fire sale.

Here is a playlist of hot ass summer songs:

Stay cool, y'all.

Officially Rocking Your Socks Off

The wonderful and glorious Bev bestowed upon me a very cool blogging award. I am honored to be thought of so highly by such an awesome chick. Since I've been tagged, I am supposed to give props to other bloggerific peeps. Technically, I'm supposed to name 15 blogs, but as I am a known rule breaker and all around bad ass, I'll do as I damned well please. Screw you if you don't like it.

Making a Spectacle ~ The reason I started a blog in the first place is my heterosexual life partner, Shannon. She is a fan of all things Spock, Flight of the Conchords, sock monkeys (!), and most importantly, the dark mistress known as bacon. Mere words cannot describe my love for her. Stop by and say hi. She might even write a haiku in your honor.

List of the Day ~ Being a huge fan of countdowns and lists and such, I somehow stumbled across Cary's LOTD and have been hooked from that first moment. He and his blog amuse me to no end. He's the Pied Piper of the Blogisphere with a loyal following of some of the funniest people I've never met.

Raising Stink ~ I met the delightful Samsmama through LOTD and I've been smitten ever since. I believe it was a can of Tab that brought us together. Who said artificial sweeteners were a bad thing? She makes me laugh until I snort, which is my favorite form of laughter.

Defecata Randomus de Nocturne ~ Stuart at Random Shit of the Night cracks me up. I'm fond of shit, especially random shit, so he is right up my alley. Well, not literally up my alley. His woman Jodi might have my head on a platter for such slanderous accusations.

Mixed Nuts ~ Mala is Bev's bff and graciously invited me to sit at the cool kids' lunch table. I'd love to be the third wheel on one of the gals' Thelma and Louise adventures. Anyone who tries to rub the crap of Gorby's head at a wax museum is the bee's knees in my book. Not that I have a book, mind you.

Project Rungay ~ My absolute favorite reality show of all time is Project Runway. Yes, I watch reality shows. Yes, you can suck it. Anyhoo, Tom and Lorenzo are two gay men in a long term relationship who started out blogging about PR but somehow evolved into the poster boys for all things fabulous in fashion and pop culture.

Cooking for Assholes ~ I cannot begin to tell you how much this blog makes me laugh and learn at the same time. Cooking is just another chore to me, but I am almost inspired to jump in and cook for fun after reading these delicious recipes. And honestly, all the abuse turns me on just a little bit. Eat it™.

Dispatches From the Island ~ If you know me, you know Lost is my favorite show and Hurley is my favorite character. If you don't know me, what the fuck are you doing here? Jorge Garcia is an absolute sweetheart with a boyish sense of humor who takes his position as a celebrity with a grain of salt. He always makes me smile.

1000 Awesome Things ~ Some days the world sucks and everyone in it is a complete and utter douche nozzle. On those days, I like to go to this blog and celebrate the little things that make life worth living. This is one of my favorites.

Crazy Days and Nights ~ This blogger is an entertainment lawyer in El Lay who gives blind items about celebrities. It's fun trying to figure out who he's talking about. The beautiful Shannon turned me on to this one.

To paraphrase Tom and Lorenzo, kittens, I am exhausted. This all I have in me. That's what she said. Sorry, I channeled Michael Scott there for a second.

Go forth and investigate the wonderfulness that these blogs have to offer you. Don't say I never gave you anything.