What has 9 arms and sucks?

Thanks to Stuart for the hilariously inappropriate joke referenced in the title. The answer, of course, is Def Leppard. Tee hee. We'll get to their suckage in a bit. Let's begin the journey to the spectacularness that was this past Saturday evening, shall we?

Ten of us made the long hard road trip from East Bum Fuck south Georgia to Hotlanta for the concert to end all concerts - Cheap Trick, Poison and Def Leppard.

I've always liked Cheap Trick. Honestly, I couldn't believe that they were not only touring with the other two bands, but were put in the bitch seat to be the freaking opening act. Hell, "Surrender" was an anthem when I was growing up. I think they deserve better than that, but I guess we all have to pay the bills.

I'm not the biggest fan of Poison, but I'd seen them once before and they put on a pretty good show. My friend Tara is absolutely obsessed with Bret Michaels. I've watched all 27 seasons of Rock of Love for her. She is determined that he needs to stop diddling skanks and get with a fat girl. I totally agree. Who else can bang the shit out of you and then make you a plate of good down home cooking? Not a coked out stripper, that's for damned sure. But I digress...

As a woman of a certain age (that would be 40 for those paying attention), I am definitely a product of the 80s. Thusly, I am not ashamed to admit my love for the Lef Deppards. I remember having a jean jacket with a Def Leppard pin on one lapel and a Run DMC pin on the other. (Sidebar: I bought a Run DMC shirt this weekend. I am fucking awesome.) I was totally excited to see them and relive part of my wayward youth.

We got to the Lakewood Amphitheater in Atlanta a little after 7 as Cheap Trick was coming on stage. We heard the first couple of songs as we stood in line to get in. I sang "I Want You to Want Me" at the top of my lungs in the parking lot, embarrassing everyone around me. We finally got in and set up camp on the lawn. Here are Jeff, Tara, me, my husband John, and Kelly.

We got to enjoy the rest of Cheap Trick, despite a drunken redneckian brawl a few feet away from us. Thankfully the melee was cleared in time for me to belt out the craptastic hair ballad "The Flame". That is such a horrible song, but so much fun to sing.

After Cheap Trick's set ended, we sent the menfolk on a beer run. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I understand that the prices are jacked up at events like this, but I still don't see any reason to charge 10 bucks for some flat ass nasty beer. Fuck me.

By this time, the sun had set and it was time for Poison. As I mentioned, I had seen them maybe 10 years ago at a place called Wild Adventures, which is a semi-cheesy amusement park/zoo in Valdosta, GA. This was during the period after their popularity faded but before Rock of Love, so they were in some sort of career limbo. However, those cats put on one hell of a show. They certainly didn't have to, but I respected their commitment to the crowd. You'd have thought they were playing Madison Square Garden, for chrissakes.

I am pleased to report that they still put on one hell of a show. They were balls to the wall and didn't pause for one minute. Bret was all over the stage, talking to the audience and doing everything he could to keep us on our feet. Musically, there are some of their songs I can do without. I mean, Unskinny Bop? I still don't know what the felch that is about. Does an unskinny bop = a fat fuck? Maybe Tara is right and Bret really does need a fat girl. Either way, I very much enjoyed Poison.

I was completely psyched for Def Leppard and screamed like a school girl when they first came on stage. They started out very high energy but started slipping after a couple of songs. The guys in the band were good but my beloved Joe Elliot's voice is shot to shit. It felt like he was barely singing so he could save up for the one big power note in every song. He barely interacted with the crowd, which sucks ass. I was a bit disappointed but still had a good time because I was able to rock my fat old ass off to songs from back in the day.

I definitely had a blast with my wonderfully crazy friends. A good time was had by all.

The girls:

The boys: (Yes, that is my white bread middle aged husband throwing up the gang signs in front. God, I love that bastard.)

And as promised, here I am flashing a little boob. You didn't think I'd actually show you full frontal, did you? :)


Bev said...

Kari... I think I love you, but what am I so afraid of?

Seriously, what a great time! You are one fun-ass chick, just as I suspected. Your crew (hey, us whitebreads can throw up gang signs... that's how we dooooo!) looks like fun, and the show sounds great!

Oh, and nice ta-tas. WOOOOT!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Well, thanks for that. I now have The Flame echoing through the cavernous empty space inside my skull. Well done. Well done.

Anonymous said...

jeff say, kari say what! no comments about the ride up there or back.....whats up with that

Samsmama said...

How did I miss this?

First off, your friend might be dead on about Bret. I've also watched every season of Sluts on a Bus and that just isn't working out for him.

Unskinny Bop? No clue. Shit song.

The Flame? So gay. Love it.

$10 for a beer? Total horse shit. But wouldn't stop me.

Run DMC shirt? I love you. And unlike Bev, I'm not afraid.

Flashing a "little boob"? Understatement of the year, lady.

Stuart said...

Please tell me that each band at that venue signed your breasteses. All three of them.

Grrowwwrrr ...

The Peach Tart said...

I was there and remember most of it.

Kari said...

I've fallen off the grid again. Forgive me, y'all.

Bev, isn't that what life is made of? I love you too, Shirley Partridge.

Sir mjenks, my work here is done. Thank you and good night.

Tara, tell Jeff I'm still trying to erase the memory of that hell trip from my mind. Egads.

Samsmama, I'm cutting a boob peep hole in my Run DMC shirt in your honor.

Stuart, did you just fucking tell me I had three tits?

Peach Tart! Was that you slobbering on my neck during Def's encore? Excellent.

Cary said...


Did Poison do "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"? If so, yeah -- they suck. If not, well, they still suck. But hey, I once paid money to see Jimmy Buffett, so I can't say much.

Did Cheap Trick so "She's Tight"? Great tune.

She's tight
She's giving me the go
She's tight
She's giving me the high sign

That's poetry right there.

Edwin said...

Cheap Trick is a joke. Poison an Def Leppard are by far better bands than Cheap Trick.

Edwin said...

You LOOK like you would like Cheap Trick.

Kari said...

And you, my dear Edwin, look like the type of asshole who would anonymously slam someone they don't know.

Wait, I don't know what you look like because you are too much of a pussy to have a public profile.

Bev said...

Hey, Edwin! Go fuck yourself. Thx.

Samsmama said...

"Holla at a bitch." I'm assuming you mean Edwin. I pity the dude, erectile dysfunction is no laughing matter.

And by the way, Eddie, when you are separating two objects, the word you're looking for is "and", not "an". Thanks for playing!

spectacle319 said...

Edwin, you wish you had the balls to pull of a huge set of knockers. Put on your mama's dress and get out of the closet already!

Stuart said...

I meant all three bands, silly. Of course, having three boobs would simply serve to make you go from Awesome to Fucking Awesome.

I mean that.

Congrats on your first(ish) Insult From Nowhere. Only the Bestest get that honor, but alas, it will be short-lived, as the grade schools have started again ...