Not for Nothing November - Part 2

It's Monday, so why wouldn't I be a cranky, hateful bitch? I was trying to get my stank ass attitude on earlier when my besainted husband told me my favorite corny joke to cheer me up. And I'll be damned if it didn't work because now I am full of sunshine and light once again.

In keeping with that spirit, here are some "walks into a bar" jokes. I'll start out with the one that made me BOLLADS (bark out loud like a dying seal) earlier.
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper asks, "Really? You have a drink named Steve?"


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Three strings walk into a bar and find a table. The first string offers to get their drinks. He goes to the bar and asks for three beers. The bartender says, "I'm sorry buddy, but we don't serve strings here." The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what happened.

"That's ridiculous," says the second string. "I'll get us something to drink." He goes to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in this bar." The second string sadly walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.

The third string says, "Screw this. I know how to get us something to drink." He goes to the restroom where he ties himself up and ruffles up his ends. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender looks at him, shakes his head and says, "Look buddy, I know your friends told you that we don't serve strings in this bar. You're a string, aren't you?"

To which the third string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He looks around and asks the bartender, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender says, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replies.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asks.

"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"Weird guy," says the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling."


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Of course I must mention the ultimate "walks into a bar joke" with no punchline from The Breakfast Club:

A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says...




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Only 28 blogs to go...God/Allah/Yaweh/Hasselhoff help us all.

4 comments:

Bev said...

Any post that ends with a Judd Nelson quote is A-ok by me.

That grasshopper joke is going into my rotation -- thank you!

Kari said...

Bev, Judd rocks my world. He's got the best nostrils in the biz.

The grasshopper joke always makes me laugh for at least 30 minutes each time I hear it.

Headphones Monkey said...

Shut your damn mouth, that grass hopper joke is MY favorite joke.

Kari said...

Shut the front door, woman! It's my favorite joke. Mine, mine, mine!